Yesterday afternoon I found myself basking in the zen of a beautiful sanctuary in the East Village: My best friend Michelle’s apartment. The 101 on Michelle: A few months ago Michelle went to India, found enlightenment, quit her job, and started a consulting company. Now, the company is thriving, Michelle is living and owning her dream life, sunshine shoots out of her every orifice, and according to Facebook, she was out for lunch.
Michelle had entrusted me with her keys when she moved in, and I finally decided to put them to use. With a deep, hearty exhale, I stretched my body out on her bright red couch. The place is an anomaly – a 2nd floor, street-facing apartment over the bustling heart of St. Marks Place, yet somehow her apartment rests in stillness. Buddhas and inspirational messages and amulets of love surround and keep sacred the cozy space. A cool light spills into the room.
I pulled a book from her shelf of spiritual juju and began to read one of the ultimate classics: The Power of Now: A Guide To Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle.
And to think, just one hour prior… I had a full time job.
Ahhhhh yes, this was the luxurious life of the gainfully unemployed.
The decision was rather mutual – I had known deep down for months it was not quite right, and they eventually caught on. It was the conscious process of my heart drifting far from the job requirements, my soul slipping away from a once-fiery passion, and the allowance of those feelings to guide me down whatever path was going to be mine. ie: Starting anew.
No matter how brilliant my coworkers, how networked and poised for growth the company, how amazing the products I could get at wholesale – and no matter my salary – something was off. The voice and the mission was not my own. Why was I having a complete creativity drought? I have a history of kicking ass! How come no matter how much I fit in personally, I still felt like a square peg in a round hole?
See, I’ve been going through some mad cool changes yo, (and this has nothing to do with my hairstyle). Imagine knowing all this ::magical:: stuff is about to happen, and having no idea what you’re really in for. Although people have told me I’ve been enlightened all along – now it’s time to fully find it. Yes, I am about to embark on this wild path towards the unknown, and I’m going to blog it all.
So here’s the plan.
Formula to create the perfect career: Assess your strengths and weaknesses with brutal honesty. Have some money in the bank. Let your job run its course. Sing to your inner love child all the praises it deserves to hear. Kiss your faults on the lips and tell them they’re beautiful. Gather round your strengths in a huddle, and decide just how each one can AND will be used in this game. Immerse yourself in knowledge. Fill yourself with things to develop every aspect of you. Follow your gut. Trust in your soul that people will love and be drawn to the real, true, unmistakable you, more so than they could ever love and be drawn to any of your cover-ups. And eventually, someone will pay you for exactly that.
Will it work? We’re about to find out together.
You may recall, my three-year-old self said:
When I grow up I want to be me.
So it’s time to focus on that ME I am, and the ME I am to become.
Starting this blog and writing freely every day made me realize a lot: Mainly, that I like writing freely. It has become my therapy. If that sounds terrible to you then run far, far away… otherwise stay along for the ride. (You can subscribe at the top right, and I will send you virtual kisses if you do!)
So… YAY! ME! And yay for the power of NOW.
I thank Michelle Goldblum for usage of her inspiration-gilded apartment, her guiding guru-ism, and also this poem that popped up on Facebook last night. ❤
before and afro 
read this blog post its about you, hopefully it helps with your enlightenment. http://www.postbourgie.com/2012/10/16/white-woman-wears-afro-life-changes-or-something/
Wow. This post is just dripping privilege. Yours and your friend’s. Also immense cluelessness. I imagine the entire blog is, given the whole afro wig thing, but this is as far as I’ve gotten.
I second the previous comment.
You are a truly terrible human being. I thought about trying to say something constructive but other people have tried that and you’ve refused to listen. So I’ll just leave it at this.
Your privilege is showing. This is the most ridiculous, self-indulgent dreck I’ve seen in a long time. It was great to see you don’t just co-opt pieces of black culture, but Indian religion as well. Hopefully you will “find enlightenment” and stop posting this crap.
The cultural appropriation in this is disgusting. This whole thing resonates privilege, ignorance, and just plain stupidity. Disgusting.
Your friend is even more vapid than you. Her apartment looks like a particularly twee Pinternet board. If someone had real problems and didn’t have the money to go “enlighten” themselves by hanging out with magical brown people then a few inspirational quotes stuck in their giant apartment isn’t going to help.
I think Jarvis Cocker wrote a song about you. “I said pretend you’ve got no money, she just laughed and said oh you’re so funny.
I said yeah? Well I can’t see anyone else smiling in here.”
Had you worn your afro to your job? Just curious…
Hey Crystal – Yes, I did, often. Everyone just thought it was fun. This is all so scary and unexpected.
The last thing you need to do is focus on yourself; you’re so enamored of your own specialness that it’s blinded you to anything and everything else.
Here’s a thought: Put away the platitudes, and the twee sparkly hippy-dippy facade, and for god’s sake throw away that ridiculous wig. Look up. Look out. Have genuine conversations where you listen rather than simply wait to talk. Volunteer in your community. Read things – not self help books or crackpot pseudo-spiritual essays, but works of history, philosophy, and science. Strive not make yourself the center of your universe, but to understand the vastness of the world and your place within it.
THAT is how you come to understand what it means to be you – the primal, authentic, unflinching you.
I enjoy what Eckhart Tolle has to say in his various books. Please pay attention to what he says about the ego. I truly wish you well. Pece
This blog is so laden with your overprivileged, self-absorbed, sanctimonious bullcrap that I just want to hurl. Literally! And all I hear playing in my mind is that scene from the L Word when Jenny says to Mark, “It’s not my job to make you a better man and I don’t give a shit if I’ve made you a better man. It’s not a f..king woman’s job to be consumed and invaded and spat out so that some f..king man can evolve!” Replace the gender references with racial ones, and it’s all about you! Your quest for enlightenment comes at a high cost to black women’s dignity. It is not our job to endure your taunts and mockery so that you can find nirvana. The answer you seek is not here, grasshopper! Take your journey someplace else!!
Don’t listen to the fools above. Love yourself. It is not a sin.
Amen. I really enjoyed this 🙂 Keep doing you!! Lucky to have such a wonderful friend. Keep celebrating the blessing that is your life! xo
Much love to you, Jessica! I am very lucky indeed.
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